Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
