I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
