can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
