My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
