I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
