Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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