Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
