But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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