I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
