We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
