I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
