I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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