My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
