so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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