I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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