My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No subtext here. People are naked.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
