New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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