People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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