My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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