I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
