Where did you get a picture of my penis
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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