some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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