I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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