when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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