woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
