his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
