oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fuck appropriateness.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
