Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
