The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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