Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
