What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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