literally had 100 drinks last night.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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