OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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