His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
