Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize