tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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