at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
