I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
