dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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