my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
