some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
