If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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