Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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