If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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