there's paper in my vomit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
