I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
