I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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