When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
