it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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