Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
