dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
