I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
3pm strippers are depressing
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
