So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you didnt know i had herpes?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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