Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
