so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
