I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
time to smoke my breakfast
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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