Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
