Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize