My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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