Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
