some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
