just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
