So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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